People are divided on the subject of vengeance. Until you, yourself, are personally wronged, it is so easy to tell someone else that they should “just let it go” or “consider the source of who you’re dealing with”. Growing up with siblings, have you been told “he’s your little brother- let him go” or “she’s just little- she doesn’t understand”, yet at age 8, 12, 17, 25, and 48 is still pulling the same stuff?
On the other side, many families do not deal with conflict that way at all. They may encourage a brawl to figure it all out, no holds barred, and may the best fighter win.They have no idea how to function well in conflict.
I say there needs to be a balance between the two solutions to being wronged, and I am mostly speaking of the workplace in this post.
Vengeance is defined in the Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary as punishment inflicted in retaliation for an injury or offense; retribution. The statement with a vengeance suggests great force, vehemence, to an extreme or excessive degree. Sounds scary to me, the ultimate peace lover and mediator that I normally am.
But… at what point does a person stand up for themselves? If we have grown up either as victims, or at the least, disrespected and/or neglected, this will be a mind boggling question and struggle for possibly all our lives.
On the other side, there’s the person who may have been abused and used who has determined in their mind that they will NEVER be spit on again. This leads them into all sorts of altercations, ruined relationships, loss of employment, and basic daily turmoil, as they feel they have to constantly guard what is theirs.
The third side of all this is that person who is SURE that they are entitled to all good things in life, and everyone else was put on earth to make it happen for them. This way of thinking was actually set up for them in childhood, also. They may have a narcissistic personality disorder or are just plain spoiled. Many of these actually have both components at work, because they have bullied their way into being given everything they demanded, which then feeds the entitled mindset.
Once in a while, we will run into someone who is fairly normal and healthy, not perfect; but possibly a joy and pleasure to work and play with.
Going back to the original thought- what to do about being wronged in the workplace? It is so easy to let our anger and feelings run away with us! We are tempted to tell of our “situation” to everyone we see- either to gain sympathy or to just see if we are crazy to feel wronged. Underneath, we need the support of other people, because we feel alone and betrayed.
Should the wronged confront the wronger with the wrong? And how should it be done? Is it ok to go off, make a scene, and air all dirty laundry- even if it has nothing to do with the case? Should the wronged slink off into the corner like a small brown mouse without venting, believing it will do no good anyway because he never wins and no one listens to him ever?
I say this- take the situation- and try to calmly figure it out. What was your part in it? If you screwed up- make it right. Sometimes our actions actually lead to the other person retaliating first. I don’t see the good in a fist-fight, and even a mouthfight usually makes it all worse, but TALK it out if possible.
When it passes the point of helpful communication, it’s OK TO TAKE it where it needs to go, like the unemployment hearing, or maybe it’s time to move on to another job.
Just remember this though.
VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY, SAYS THE Lord.
Therefore, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him a drink. For in so doing, you will heap coals of fire on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:19-21.
NOW… what is this heaping coals of fire on someone’s head? That sounds pretty radical, but possibly a fittingly painful punishment for them! Alright!
It actually refers to an old Egyptian custom of showing public repentance after wronging someone. When Paul referred to this, he meant that if we treat our sore spot with kindness, they may become ashamed and turn from their wrongdoing- be it lying, cheating, theft, gossip, whatever. They may even come forward with the truth in time.
So… irregardless of how we handle our wound- remember that God is the best vindicator there is! He is the ONLY one who knows what really happened between the two of you and He knows ALL intentions behind the actions! He can’t be fooled. And He doesn’t mess around with the wrong way of handling a situation.
Until next time I ramble,
Sue
