WHEN OUR KIDS MOVE OUT AND UP

Many emotions float around when kids move out of their parent’s home or move away from the hometown area. It is one of those times in life that are “bittersweet”. As parents, we know that our little one will grow up someday and leave home and that is the goal of parenthood to give them the skills they will need to survive and thrive in the big bad world out there.

I remember days when I thought this difficult and very tiring job would never be over.  Newborns with colic, days and nights mixed up, puzzling crying, mom not sleeping enough, dad feeling left out. The days right before, during, and after age 2 seem to last forever. Things calm down a mite until Kindergarten, when JR. realizes that life doesn’t begin and end with mommy anymore. That’s the first blow.

We all adjust to school life and it doesn’t go too badly until puberty hits, which is hitting alot sooner than it used to. “The talk” needs to be given at about age 8-9 where it used to be given around 13. Now there’s sooooo much to tell them about! Not only about the birds and the bees, but the dangers of predators (even possibly of their acquaintance). There’s STD’s, pregnancy,and  the explaining of why those two men are holding hands. This is when hearts start to be broken- this is when parenting gets REALLY TOUGH.

I have found parenting to be about grabbing all the teachable moments you can. It works much better than sitting them in front of you so you can lecture. Ongoing lessons throughout a period of time do not put the child on overload like a ” lecture of too much information at a time” does. Kids will find out who you are and what you stand for in small doses, and will remember, even pulling it out of their memory later on when they need that advice.

Teenagers! What can I say? It’s usually a love/hate relationship going both ways between you. Of course, love should always win out in the big picture but it can be hard to feel that when you have just been called to come get them after their wreck with your car. They pull, they push, they defy, they try to control, they experiment with dangerous things. We wonder if we even have the right to correct them as we have done many of the same things ourselves in the past. It feels almost hypocritical!

I say, a definite yes!!!!, to correcting and redirecting them!! WHO, MORE THAN YOU, KNOWS THE CONSEQUENCES OF BAD CHOICES AND BAD COMPANY???? WE WOULD NEVER LET OUR CHILD PLAY ON THE RAILROAD TRACK- WHY WOULD WE NOT KEEP THEM OFF THE TRACK OF DRUGS, ALCOHOL, AND PROMISCUITY- and not try to save them the heartache we have endured and what we have done to break our families trust in us?

In saying that, let me say this. When they do get off track, do whatever needs to be done to put them back on it. It usually takes getting tough, setting and enforcing some boundaries, maybe floating them a loan, letting them move back home for awhile, whatever, but keep the rest of the family intact as you deal with the wayward one. Seek assistance if you need to. I know a good counselor who will be ready in about 3 years!! LOL

So many issues arise through the teen years- driving, dating, what to study, yes-you WILL graduate, college?, your prom dress is HOW MUCH?(from dad) LOL, PLEASE put your phone down- you can’t eat spaghetti and talk at the same time, PUT your phone away- we DON”T play games in church, no- you are NOT camping out with a bunch of kids, are there any parents at this party?, tell me again- how did your car get stuck on this back road?, you WILL pay your own speeding tickets- it’s like setting that money right on fire!, DON’T come home pregnant!— and yet, when they do, it is one of those bittersweet times of life. On one hand- no college, on the other, your first grandchild. God knows each child before they are formed in the womb which proves there are no accidents – how can we stay angry or even too disappointed at the formation of a new life?

When the kids are grown and leave home- it doesn’t always appear that it is a good move, especially if they leave with anger. Many times, us parents worry because we know what is out there to trip them up- they think they are ready, but we know the places where their immaturity lingers. It scares us.

This is where I have to turn them over to the one who created them in the first place. I have to let go of them. Even though I have lived with at least one child of mine for the past 33 years and I really think it IS time for them to go, HAHA, I still feel that lump when moving one out of  my house, or on to his next adventure 2 hours away.

To the Hetzel kids, GO WITH GOD. And mom loves you.

To my readers, write back and let me know about your bittersweet moments with your kids.

Til next time,

Sue

Vindication

People are divided on the subject of vengeance. Until you, yourself, are personally wronged, it is so easy to tell someone else that they should “just let it go” or “consider the source of who you’re dealing with”. Growing up with siblings, have you been told “he’s your little brother- let him go” or “she’s just little- she doesn’t understand”, yet at age 8, 12, 17, 25, and 48 is still pulling the same stuff?

On the other side, many families do not deal with conflict that way at all. They may encourage a brawl to figure it all out, no holds barred, and may the best fighter win.They have no idea how to function well in conflict.

I say there needs to be a balance between the two solutions to being wronged, and I am mostly speaking of the workplace in this post.

Vengeance is defined in the Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary as punishment inflicted in retaliation for an injury or offense; retribution. The statement with a vengeance suggests great force, vehemence, to an extreme or excessive degree. Sounds scary to me, the ultimate peace lover and mediator that I normally am.

But… at what point does a person stand up for themselves? If we have grown up either as victims, or at the least, disrespected and/or neglected, this will be a mind boggling question and struggle for possibly all our lives.

On the other side, there’s the person who may have been abused and used who has determined in their mind that they will NEVER be spit on again. This leads them into all sorts of altercations, ruined relationships, loss of employment, and basic daily turmoil, as they feel they have to constantly guard what is theirs.

The third side of all this is that person who is SURE that they are entitled to all good things in life, and everyone else was put on earth to make it happen for them. This way of thinking was actually set up for them in childhood, also. They may have a narcissistic personality disorder or are just plain spoiled. Many of these actually have both components at work, because they have bullied their way into being given everything they demanded, which then feeds the entitled mindset.

Once in a while, we will run into someone who is fairly normal and healthy, not perfect; but possibly a joy and pleasure to work and play with.

Going back to the original thought- what to do about being wronged in the workplace? It is so easy to let our anger and feelings run away with us! We are tempted to tell of our “situation” to everyone we see- either to gain sympathy or to just see if we are crazy to feel wronged. Underneath, we need the support of other people, because we feel alone and betrayed.

Should the wronged confront the wronger with the wrong? And how should it be done? Is it ok to go off, make a scene, and air all dirty laundry- even if it has nothing to do with the case? Should the wronged slink off into the corner like a small brown mouse without venting, believing it will do no good anyway because he never wins and no one listens to him ever?

I say this- take the situation- and try to calmly figure it out. What was your part in it?  If you screwed up- make it right. Sometimes our actions actually lead to the other person retaliating first. I don’t see the good in a fist-fight, and even a mouthfight usually makes it all worse, but TALK it out if possible.

When it passes the point of helpful communication, it’s OK TO TAKE it where it needs to go, like the unemployment hearing, or maybe it’s time to move on to another job.

Just remember this though.

VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY, SAYS THE Lord.

Therefore, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him a drink. For in so doing, you will heap coals of fire on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:19-21.

NOW… what is this heaping coals of fire on someone’s head? That sounds pretty radical, but possibly a fittingly painful punishment for them! Alright!

It actually refers to an old Egyptian custom of showing public repentance after wronging someone. When Paul referred to this, he meant that if we treat our sore spot with kindness, they may become ashamed and turn from their wrongdoing- be it lying, cheating, theft, gossip, whatever. They may even come forward with the truth in time.

So… irregardless of how we handle our wound- remember that God is the best vindicator there is! He is the ONLY one who knows what really happened between the two of you and He knows ALL intentions behind the actions! He can’t be fooled. And He doesn’t mess around with the wrong way of handling a situation.

Until next time I ramble,

Sue

THIS IS SO…COOL

15 of you have actually read my first post. I am amazed! Now, leave me some comments! Pick my brain, ask me questions! They can even be the HARD questions- I welcome the challenge. We may not always see eye to eye but we can always “agree to disagree”. Has anyone else out there had a wake-up call and changed your “signs”?

I read this somewhere in my training for work one time and I think it is a FIRST step towards success(after knowing Jesus).

Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenges, wish for more wisdom.

Now, we all know that wishin’ alone doesn’t get us to our goals, so let’s start attaching some hands and legs, and brains to our wishes and see what cool things happen!

ALOHA

sue

Why am I writing a BLOG when I just had to look up the definition to see what one really is?

I guess you can call me a glutton for punishment. In fact, I have often, in the past few years, realized that I have been one of those “here’s your sign”people, as we have so comically heard about from The Blue Collar Tour. My signs have read many things in the past, but in the last 6 years I have been making moves to change my signs. They are now going to read words like confident, assertive but not aggressive, wise, overcomer, joyful, brave, patient, unafraid, peaceful, positive, interdependent rather than dependent or independent, encouraging,and I hope, gracious. So even though “sucker” has been plastered on my forehead for years as I have been all things to all people for way too long, I am taking this bull by the horns and doing some writing for my soul and hopefully yours. As far as blogging goes, why not? I even updated my online friends and am committed to keeping better contact with them than in the past. Sometimes, it’s all about waking up to the truth, having the bulb flash in your head, or as the Bible puts it, “he came to himself” Luke 15:17. In psychology, we call it a catharsis. All that means is that it is an AAAHHHAAAA moment that changes your life; changes your thinking, and then changes your behavior. I’ve had several of them in my life. Maybe someday I”ll share them with you. But…. one of those moments for me was the day I decided to stop being afraid of this computer and actually moved on up into this age! I went to college online the 2nd time, and now work online as well. Who wouldathunkit??? Catch ya later.

Progress is impossible without change and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

Anonymous

sue